Meet Bluey- The voice in my head who thought she was the main Character!

I want to introduce you to someone.

Her name is Bluey.

She’s been living in my head for as long as I can remember. She’s the first voice I hear in the morning and the last one I argue with at night. She’s the one who says you can’t do this before I’ve even tried. The one who whispers who do you think you are every time I dare to dream a little bigger than yesterday.

For years I thought she was my enemy. I tried to fight her. Silence her. Wish her away. But no matter what I did, Bluey was still there, louder than ever, convinced she was running the show.

And honestly? For a long time, she was.

I named her Bluey because that’s exactly how she feels. Blue. Heavy. Like a grey Monday morning that never quite lifts. Moody. Pessimistic. Convinced that every risk ends in disaster and every dream is just a disappointment waiting to happen.

Bluey is the voice that was fuelled by years of things I didn’t ask for. Wounds I didn’t choose. Experiences that taught a younger version of me that the world wasn’t always safe and that I needed to be careful. Very, very careful.

And here’s what I’ve come to understand, slowly, painfully, and with a lot of resistance:

Bluey was never trying to destroy me. She was trying to protect me.

She is my inner child. Scared. Unsure. Doing the only thing she knew how to do ,keeping me small so nothing could hurt me.

I can’t be angry at her for that. She did her best with what she had.

But here’s the thing, Bluey.

I’ve grown.

The things you’re protecting me from? Most of them aren’t even real anymore. The danger has passed. The people who made us feel small, we don’t have to shrink for them anymore. The version of life where playing it safe was the only option? We’re leaving her behind.

So I’m not going to fight you anymore. I’m not going to try to delete you or silence you or pretend you don’t exist. Lord knows I’ve tried that and it has never once worked.

Instead I’m doing something different.

I’m welcoming you in. Pulling up a chair. Offering you tea.

But Bluey ,and I need you to hear this clearly: you are not the main character anymore.

I am.

You can still show up. You can voice your concerns. When there is real danger, real risk worth considering , I’ll listen. I promise I’ll listen.

But when you’re just shouting out of habit? Out of old fear? Out of patterns that don’t serve us anymore?

I’m going to look at you gently, the way you look at a child who is scared of the dark, and I’m going to say:

I hear you Bluey. But I’ve got this. You can sit down now.

We are rewiring, you and I. Slowly. Patiently. Without war.

Because the goal was never to get rid of you. The goal is for both of us to finally be free.

Sushmita is the main character now.

And Bluey — still loved, still seen, still welcome — gets to rest.

Finally.

-Sushmita